Wednesday, May 19, 2010

JUST FOR THE RECORD !

ANYTHING ON MY BLOG THAT HAS
" "
means I DIDNT WRITE IT .
note to those that didnt know what quotations meant .

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Today I cried. Cried real hard,
I cried because I felt the pain of another
... someone I have never met .

Wednesday, April 7, 2010




I had a happy home & a criminal that used the word love had stripped the happiness away. I decided to lock all the doors because I believed his kind had a breed and they were out running lose out there. & then I saw you & I wondered how you got in. I had forgotten to lock my windows cause I didn't believe anyone would climb up the rails. Now here you are by my side so this time I locked the windows because YOU & I keep each other warm on those cold stormy nights & cool on those hot summer days.

Every man and every woman that is unable to have a relationship should have a BEWARE or even just the B sewed in to every piece of clothing they own. I think that is why they wrote the scarlet letter to tell us that.


I use to believe that when it rained god was crying, but then I heard the news and they said it was el nino. I use to believe that a credit card was free money given to you and then I got the bill. I use to believe in santa until I saw my gifts in bags in a closet. I use to believe we lived in a world full of opportunities but I saw what they do to those people overseas. I use to believe that when the sun was out while it rained a witch some where was getting married but my teacher introduced me to science. I use to believe that I had magic powers I just needed to get in tune with my own magic but I was unable to read peoples minds when I wanted to. I use to believe that the government was here to protect us, but then I saw that they are here to dictate us. I use to believe in many things that was the beauty of being young no one is there yet to shatter your dreams. because I use to believe.


It is on these cool breezy nights just like this one that I believe you exist. I know it is you that touches the skin to my cheeks. I know it is you that blows against the strands of my hair. I know it is you that makes me feel young, free, and alive. Please come visit me tomorrow evening once again. Because I know it is you.



Imagination is the only thing that keeps you alive. It is the movie that is played in your head over and over again through all the hours of the day. YOU are the director to that movie. Make it worthwhile. I only ask of you for one thing that is to play the part so well as if you were getting paid to do so. If they are positive things I would really love it if you made them happen in reality we would all love to watch it with you.

YOU ARE WHAT YOU CREATE .




WHO is your soulmate? is it the existence of another human being or that of your own self? WHAT is it that binds two people together to build a foundation and have it all coming undone? WHERE is it that true happiness exist where every aspect of your life seems going swell with no mixed feelings or confusion? WHEN is it that enough becomes enough cause define me what really is enough? and most certainly WHY is it that we attach ourselves to the one that truly does not want us but ignore the ones that chase after us?



Thoughts cloud your mind religiously. Emotions filling you up food no longer even looks appetizing. I was made a victim to your crime. I was put through a bittersweet misery. Now that I'm free its time for you to serve your time. Read many books while your there. They will teach you what the importance is of just expressing yourself.



The most beautiful thing in this world is not having a significant other, its not having a big wedding, its not diamond rings, badass cars, it is having the gift of beautiful friends that wrap it all up with a ribbon with all of your secrets .

Tuesday, April 6, 2010



We swore to never leave each other we are both going to hell. We promised to always be together but dishonesty broke that. Our hands and our skins became best friends and had great conversations now enemies they've become. For that I dont apologize.


I don't understand why the human race pays to watch horror movies at the movies when cnn, news at 11, every news channel on tv provides severe REAL horror for free.

I had been blindfolded, chained down, stripped naked from my own existence. After one cold winter night that love had ran away from me. Devastated I filed a report and to my surprise their were about 99,999,999 amber alerts out for love. It put me at ease with the cops but my heart had been shattered. My innocence had been taken from me all on a cold winter night.


Don't believe that the world is bigger than you. You are bigger than it. You are the future to it.

After your first heartbreak you have bloody visions. Your eyes are chained to view the world so different. It all used to be green but the other side wasnt so pretty. The earth has turned black and white leaving a trail of your bleeding heart. Unlock the chains and open your eyes it wasnt because it wasnt meant to be. It was because he wasnt the one you deserved to have.



Many have crossed my path. A lot have touched my lives. I have been left with many stories to tell when I'm gray. There were those who have made me cry, laugh, sing, and have said their farewells. The ones who have stoled from me, betrayed me, kissed me, and made love to me. BUT their has only been three who I hold closest to me. In this world you will meet plenty but to meet a true friend is like shopping for the perfect dress on your period. I was lucky to have met three in my life. My best friends, my soulmates, my light when it gets dark, my shadows when I lose myself, my mirrors when I forget who I'am. My Orions belt.



Trillions of stories waiting to heard. Billions of people searching for love. Millions reaching out for a friend. Thousands waiting to live. Hundreds feeling alone. Ten of them dying every second. BUT it only takes one person to make a difference.

I CONCUR !
My legs hurt, my heart is broken, my arms ache, my mind wanders. I had sat around pointing fingers for so long. I finally saw the abscence of a significant other. I started feeling the need of anothers company to keep me warm on those cool breezy nights. I never realized that the only one I was running from was from myself. My tennis shoes have grown old bearing the toes that were once painted gold. Im tired of running I have reached the finish line.

Its when your on that road where millions surround you with a story to tell just like yours. Its when you feel alone and forget who you are that you become the most beautiful.

It's when your fast asleep that the angels come out to fight with the night to allow you to have a second chance. Another day.


The problem was the dream that we lived in and the reality that we lived in didn't befriend each other. It was only when we slept, kissed, and made love together that our eyes were closed we opened our eyes to late to realize that we weren't meant for one another.

I wrote a story about our love, but you were to far for it to reach you. I decided to put a stamp on it with no address on it so then maybe someone at the post office or however far it reached someone would enjoy the things we shared.



I used to believe that I didn't need someone but one doesn't exist without the other . what is the sun without the moon.. Harmony without chaos.. Peace without war .. Love without hate.. Dark without light .

we all need someone. and it does not mean co-dependence .

Monday, April 5, 2010




I had a dream last night and you were in it, when I awoke I was clouded with thoughts of you. I sent you a text seven hours later when you replied I had already forgot I wrote you in the first place. I didn't find a need in replying .. In my dream you were sweet but in reality you are a sour existence of pure negativity. I have already cleansed my soul from your filthy soul. No more dirt, no more pain, no more us. and I like it that way .

Sunday, March 7, 2010




Sometimes I want to write some deep, intense, over the top type of shit. I sit down start typing it but for some reason can't build the courage to post it . Hmm . Thank god no one could read my mind .

Friday, March 5, 2010





"Just so you know my weird mind wanders, and my brave heart breaks. I've nailed some milestones but ive made mistakes, cause I got more faults than a map of california earthquakes. I'm taking a nap beneath your covers wake me if you like me, wake me if you want me, wake me if you need another poem. Your once and future lover has made herself at home."
-- RIVES .
* thanks anonymous lol .

This is about a special friend .....





I connected with you in ways I cant even explain.
conversations with you were so appetizing.
If I carried the fetus of my unborn child and I yearned for a craving I wouldn't have to send someone off to get it for me because it would be you.

I'd want to swallow every morpheme, phrase, sound, term, usage that rolled off of the tip of your tongue just so he could digest it.

I dived deep into the windows of your soul still grasping a hold of the topics you chose, but I found myself lost in the words.

It was like meditation for my mind not yet body but soul. Things could have been easy, but oh my to my surprise I was guarded so well that the walls that I've built were stronger than that of the berlin wall cause they wouldn't come down.

The intensity of all my emotions inside were so vivid that if I had an ultrasound you'd think it was living.

I carried a heart, but it as well had a heart beat.

I'd hear a thump louder and louder and louder every time you told me stories about the illuminati, masonry, ghost, because you see we don't even have to kiss and you turn me on like a light switch.

& no no no I'm not here trying to put a move on you sexually, cause without the touch of your skin I'm already on ecstasy, its that feeling you feel inside but you cant explain it until you try the drug.

Yeah I'm rolling balls cause we create love, but its mentally,

and the tongue that we speak is all censored I'm not even allowed to curse.

The way we speak is non-commercial safe for the little ears and we don't even work for Z88.3. you know that christian radio. ( pause as thoughts cloud over me )

now tell me why aren't we an item the type you see at one of those up-scale stores, rare, and expensive but you cant buy one without the other? Oh yeah, I remembered its because no matter all your unique individuality I still cant seem to find peace within and let you in.



Im sorry my dear, but everything inside its just not crystal clear .

forgive me my friend.

but this curse eating inside of me will deprive you from having me.



Monday, February 15, 2010




Another Year that I have lived .

I wanna live FOREVER & a DAY with NO wrinkles, cute boobs , and one HOT bod =]

Friday, February 12, 2010

A poem written for me .

A talented friend of mine by the name of Anthony wrote this poem for me, and its so beautiful I'm glad to share it with you. Enjoy and get lost in the words ...

Diana Dialogues

Let me be real with you
And try to let my honesty garnish
The inner most part of my thoughts
That you wander in.

Diana my hard to get princess
You make me defenseless
But I can’t just resist your perfect design
That resides in my senseless mind.

You circle my thoughts continuously
Making it literally impossible to stop you
From knocking me off of the top of my pedestal

Whenever you enter the room
I feel a connection that glistens and shines
More brighter than the rays of the sunlight sometimes.
It’s no wonder why I feel so blind

But I guess some guys just don’t need punch lines
To draw accurate points in discussions
Like every time I’m heatedly cussing
And then you tell me it’s nothing and to calm down
It’s funny thinking back only because I’m calm now

If imperfections were food you’d die an anorexic child
That’s why I continue trying my hardest
Just to try to make you smile
So that maybe then you’ll have to put your guard down

So what if there was more to this feeling
Than the mist that hovers over the clouds
Where our connection is found

At least if I keep you around I have a reason to smile
Cause life is a harsh bitch
That only brings happiness on her own grounds

That’s the main reason I’m making it known now
Just incase the sky was to fall down and we all drowned
And then died inside meteor showers of blistering rain

I want these to be the very last words
That drift through your brain
And last in your mind
Beyond through the passing of time

Everlasting is all I’m asking
Something that matters
As much from before as it does after
Before the disasters that are bound to happen
Cause sometimes it’s just the laughing
That keeps you latched in

I think It’s obvious to you that your attached when
You try to relax and unwind in a state of mind
And your thoughts race and collide
Only to leave you in a place that’s hardly a pace farther behind

I see why building lasting relationships takes time
That’s why my intention is never to waste mine
Or unrightfully take yours
I just want to coincide and try to break walls

At this point It’s not even about being able to fall
But bringing myself to see the beauty at all
Which I admit was confusing at first
But makes perfect sense when it hurts

There’s nothing worse than when we forget the value
Love is practically worth when it actually works
Like seeing you attractive is a blasphemous curse
If only you could imagine the passion
That you inspire from passing
Your majesty I view you more as a masterpiece
Just if you ever see me falling I’m asking you to just catch me
Instead of just running and becoming detached from me

Sometimes I feel like all of your attributes are attacking me
Steadily one at a time as we gradually just shrivel die
From venomous lies told through the most innocent eyes
It's only then we realized what we were searching to find
Was secretly hidden behind closed curtains and blinds

That intentionally block the sunshine that tries to get in
So it's impossible to see past it even though we try to pretend
That being compatible isn’t the only pasture to happiness
And the only track that’ll lead to something that’s passionate
As if we don’t know toxic love enough to know that’s hazardous
But still we continue chasing after it

It’s the way that life eventually passes and goes
Keeping our hearts concealed but still with our eyes closed
Supposed if I made you feel like the words in this poem
Could you ever see my reality I inhabit alone.

To read more of his writings This is his blog http://notsosoftspoken.blogspot.com/ :

Best Friend




BEST FRIENDS






02-15- 04 - till death .




piece of cake - piece of pie wife !




Well now that the clock reads 3am yesterday on February 11th my best friend Amanda turned 20 !





I did mention her on an older blog on here but we look much younger in those pictures ..I previously spoke about watching her go through her parents divorce I remember six years ago we would always take trips every other weekend to miami, and st pete with her parents to go jet skiing. We would go to dinner every weekend trade off on whose parents were going to pay. I remember everysingle year on our birthdays we would go out to eat on hers we would always go to red lobster cause its her favorite restaurant. I don't remember a time when we stayed a part with not talking for more than twenty four hours. I remember all the sneaking out we did, all the partying we experienced the night we got so drunk we fell on the floor laughing, and you threw up all over your car being driven to a club that we didn't even know we attended till we got phone calls the next day asking if we were okay cause we were supposably passed out on a table lol. I remember losing our virginities the way we talked about our first loves like we were gonna marry those fuckers. I remember watching you go through your parents divorce, and the night you called my house at 3 in the morning to pick you up cause they were fighting, I remember when you were sick and fainted in my house, and being so afraid and my brother picking you up, I remember when my sister didnt like you bc my dad loved you and would bring you your fav coco puffs, and mangos so when you came over lol I remember when we went to halloween horror nights I called you selfish and you started crying and my dad hit me. I remember driving home at fifteen at seven in the morning and seeing the sunrise. Next day telling my parents we got home at two lol . I remember the trips we took together. The day we got our first cars at sixteen. I remember all the drunk nights I had to literally shower you and dress you and lay you to sleep and I remember the days you had to do it to me. I remember slapping you super hard bc you were really drunk and couldnt get it together ( sorry ) lol I remember when I used to get drunk you used to be mean and on new yrs this yr i was throwing up and you started being mean and then said " no im sorry " and i was apologizing for throwing up in the rain lmaooo and you said no its my fault im so sorry wife lmaooo I remember all the nights we partied on school nights and were super beat up the next day at school and id be the main one to not go the next day. I remember all the skipping school we did in high school just to go to subways and the go to sleep.I remember all the tears we shared together, the laughters, the crazy phazes we went through. Our adventure in fordham and randomly getting our matching tattoos together. I remember that sad day about you and the way I fell on the floor crying because what you felt i felt it too. I remember crying so hard that it hurt to speak. I remember the night we stayed up at night listening to beyonce on repeat and crying talking about all the things we were afraid of. I remember when we found out about your first having a girl all along, a couple days later your mom tells you that shes pregnant, we went shopping that day and you didnt say a word and you cried for days. I remember when it was my turn to feel your pain, and i found out about my first getting a girl pregnant who he claimed was his "cousin". I remember driving to your house and calling you and before i even told you i was outside you came out opened the door and hugged me so hard and we cried and fell to the floor. I remember our second loves and the way we were so wrapped up in something that wasnt love at all but a mere fantasy played out in our heads trying to make all the things right that didnt work out with our first. I remember the first and only fight we ever got into in NY because you wanted to roam an unfamiliar neighborhood at 3am and i was so afraid and the way I got to your uncles packed my bags at 430am called a cab, and you were so mad you helped me take my bags out and when I was about to leave you started crying so hard and snatched the phone away telling me " please dont leave you cant do this to me " lol and i left anyways when I got to my cousins you called and said " are you there okay? ill see you in the morning i love you" lol I remember all the wild times we had riding in cars with boys we didnt know at fourteen. The fake ID we used that was made out of cardboard lmaooo . I remember going shopping every weekend and we had no jobs it was all daddy pay this daddy pay that. Clubbing friday, saturday, and sunday, and we would never wear the same outfits twice after we wore em give em to friends and when we saw pictures ask " whatever happened to that outfit?" I remember all the people that walked in and out of our lives and we still remained close. I remember it all like a vivid picture no HD. Today as I sat in Red Lobster celebrating another birthday with you I got flashbacks on our lives dazed out looking out the window thats when you asked me "what are you thinking about?" This time it wasnt your mom and dad and us this time it was your dad and his new wife and it made me so sad. It made me wanna cry. Our lives have changed so much in the past years and we still have remained the same and if your reading this i know your emotional( made me tear when i was writing it ) but toughen up mother fucker ! haha i want to see NO sad eyes ! so this weekend we will raise a toast to many more years of our friendship ! i love you i love you i love you !









PIECE OF OF CAKE !

Our friendship isn't a BIG thing its a billion little things .












Thursday, February 11, 2010

Years of growth

I look at old people and its like aliens. I mean its rare now a days. Divorce lawyers are sky rocketing making great money in our age. When I see them I watch them carefully in awe. I imagine what they've been through all the love all the pain, all the sun all the rain, and imagine myself. Will I grow with a significant other? If im lucky enough I'd love them so deeply that when their soul is removed from their physical body I would die of loneliness. My presence would still be here without him, but inside I'm empty because the day he left mine had flown away with his. Flying freely together our hearts encompassing. Cheers to my grandparents for making it strong . <3 TRUE LOVE .

Situations make things change



Have you ever met someone the first time you met them they were someone completely different than the second time you guys came to face each other again ?


well .... I HAVE .

I met a young girl once she was the most outgoing free spirited individual I had ever came across. When I saw her I knew I would never forget her she was different. Afraid of nothing she looked at the world with innocent eyes, woke up each day with no worries. Independent young lady so young only fourteen very much spoiled rotten, she felt she had to report to no one she was her own BOSS. Her friends were her best accessory she was never seen out without them. she partied so hard that any club she attended she was spotted. Dare devil she was, the first to dance in a room full of people who stood around to afraid to she would call them "uptight" but after her everyone followed. She had an addiction for love she loved so deeply she knew she was an addict her high was so good she never wanted to come down from it . It was a dangerous drug she started acting out in ways she'd never imagine, a rebel she turned. It was a mothers love, and a fathers concern and she wasn't worried. In her eyes she had nothing to lose thats the way she lived shopping, partying, in love, young, and wild. Her love knew all her flaws, her fears, her goals, dreams, secrets, and the things that made her so weak it hurt, and as most stories go "THEY" didn't live happily ever after. I watched her broken heart break into shattered little pieces watched her pick them up after the tears were all used up. An artist she was molded the pieces back together with steel it was so cold.

Years passed by ..


I saw her again, but this time she was different still beautiful indeed. Much older, much wiser her frame had changed, hair was worn different. The way she walked, talked even the way she smelled was distinct. Emotionally detached she was this time. Independent she still remained, and her style was just classy. Bottling her feelings inside afraid to let anyone in. Her friends remained close but the circle was smaller two best friends that she loved, and only they knew her when she was naked removing the heavy layers of her fears, weaknesses, goals, and dreams. Her heart was no longer worn on her sleeves in fact I didn't even see it. Her best accessory now was her blackberry. I went clubbing and I watched her from a distance she didn't dance freely anymore. Her friends hadn't changed they were still the same the center of attention cause they danced so beautifully. She stood there holding her drink in her hand and just swayed with the music. Now she was part of that crowd the ones considered uptight to afraid to let loose. Her inner child was gone probably lost and confused. I heard her screams from afar all the way by the bar across the room. She was always alone, but never felt lonely the company of another was missed but to her it was never really much needed. Her mind was buried in school and work leaving no time to think or worry about insignificant things that she felt wouldn't take her to what she wanted to be. Long evenings on her day off were still spent shopping it was her only escape. Awed by the change I started to follow her so many times I wanted to talk to her. Ask her what happened to the girl I once knew reach out to her and tell her she was still so young with a lot left to do. As I watched her with her friends chatting away I saw those little girl eyes once again. I knew they were there, but when she left them came back her dark mysterious eyes, and yet again I couldn't recognize her.


I knew her so well and than I lost her, and yet I always followed and watched her closely behind all of her steps. I met HER in the mirror when a long time had passed and I saw her again I mean really looked at her as I did the first time years ago I met me a complete stranger to my own body.



Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Haven't been here in a while . I think I may have experienced a writers block the past few weeks ... But once I'm inspired once again ill be back :)

Thursday, January 28, 2010

One way ticket .




I'm on a revolutionary flight with a one way ticket cause I'm never coming back. Security looking at me all suspicious they sensed I was different. They even called me a terrorist lie detectors didn't go off though. So they ain't have a reason to question me. Yeah I'm traveling with artillery I kill em all off with the words I speak. One by one till the scene looks like a episode on unsolved mysteries. Cause I leave no finger prints. Once I open your eyes you'll start feeling dead like me cause in this world we ain't living. The security of having a home have been stripped away. Foreclosure signs every where banks taking everything. I raise my hands in the air middle finger up high and coming from me man I know this is anger. Cause even when I sleep at night I'm not sitting still. Having dreams I'm a princess up in a tree escaping from zombies and I know its fucking society trying to bring me down with them. To abide by the crooked laws that the govt has written I won't surrender. I know mentally I'm already higher then them. Ignorance has the world disguised to be all warm and fuzzy but the truth is raw so when I step down it feels like a earthquake cause it all turns cold. man RIP haiti. Its to all those lost souls that I fight for. Cause you don't see our supposedly most " prosperous" country going to help those in need. No wonder so many hate this fucking country. This Ain't nothing like what you read in pamphlets " America the country of opportunities" its quite simple actually there ain't shit here its nothing more then corporate greed all you see is a bunch of luxury. That's all that makes us diff. I'm on that flight compliments to our next generation airlines. I'm on a one way ticket eyes wide open cause I never let the truth pass me, at the point of no return cause I ain't never coming back to this shit ya call reality.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

<3




Can't sleep inhaling so much of this love that I can't breathe .. Suffocating with emotions that not even words could save me .. Sicker than a cancer patient .. Fever so high .. he's my only medication .. Let me tell you my therapy .. Got a honey so fine, living in a big city .. he met a florida girl .. and the attraction hit instantly .. perfect match .. Different states .. Now the distance is killing me .. I mean we text so much .. My thumbs have a daily exercise on the keyboard of my Black-Berry .. Thank god at&t got that unltmd plan .. Cause with him in my life imagine what the bill would now be .. Even though we speak all day .. I want him more and more .. So yeah I'm a little bit greedy .. But the truth is I miss him phy-si-ca-lly .. ( Pause ) .. Vivid pictures of our nights making love .. The Kisses and hugs .. Only nineteen but I'm madly in love .. Taking trips back and forth then we switching it up .. Pick me up .. I pick him up .. then we freaking it up .. true members at the holiday inn .. what a pleasure it has been .. Room service in the mornings so we ain't never sleeping .. Long nights of conversations look at me spilling it out .. Feelings ... Emotions .. Even a little sensitive now .. When he walked in I broke loose of all the chains that were holding me down .. I let myself go now I've fallen for him .. No ones picking me up .. We stuck in a dream .. No alarm to go off .. cause theirs no waking us up .. Not worried about his past .. His eyes, his heart, his soul .. Face what's in front of him .. and the things he faces his back to .. are long lost and gone .. cause now I'm here with him .. Now its just he and I and its a future we seek .. No giving up now until we can't take it no more .. And if that day comes .. nope I'm kidding theirs no doubt in my heart .. I know nothing last forever but for the time being we ain't staying apart <3
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Friday, January 22, 2010

woke up one morning and i was in love. its funny though cause love brings happiness but a whole bunch of enemies. cause everybody wants everybody when that somebody already has that somebody. sooo here iam in love and higher than ever, getting emails and bbms from foes with a whole lot of bullshit. I dont mind it though cause im already happy and if they think theyll get a response than ive already won cause silence is golden :)

Monday, January 11, 2010

My mind & Your heart just created a master piece

This is a collaboration with a talented young man by the name of Ian Lee Hwang.
My inspiration, motivation, and most importantly great friend.


(Sb) girl you been on my mind....pictures of your face with smiles always seem to rewind...your my favorite re run i play you all the time...and when we chill at night all you do is shine....an eclipse couldn't block your brightness...your something like a queen...in my phone i got you under highness...we've know each other for a few years and that's partially why I'm scared...because a friendship like ours is truly something rare...and maybe this is just a flare and will go away soon..but soon ended a while i ago so that's why I am telling this to you....i hope what I'm saying isn't making you feel weird....because losing our companionship is some thing i really fear......

(I)
I don't understand.. I thought we were friends.. I mean yeah its been years but in my eyes that's all that appears.. No feelings involved.. Our conversations are deep... And yes I must admit I love The way we speak... But then its all gone by the time the morning shines and the alarm starts to beep. Well that's just until the next time we meet... I carry you in my heart.. Of course you think I'm a queen my parents named me Diana so that makes me a princess lol just kidding well maybe but not really. And soon ? What is soon theirs no time span in soon so how are you sure it ended a while ago.. Don't be scared I heard it was good when things are declared.. Instead of holding them inside and leaving you in despair.. Well idk that's just what I heard or maybe that's me and that's why I know....

(Sb)
we are friends and that's the reason we're talking......because I think our hands would look better if they held each other while we were walking......and your right our conversations are gone once the morning removes the stars....but it would take 100 convos with other guys just to match one of ours.....you said you carry me in your heart? see that confuses me...but it seems like you want a man you wont be choosing me....that's part of the reason i been holding back...plus the fact you said you hide your feelings just adds to that.....and i don't know if that's true....because i am expressing myself and i don't feel too good....and your not even being rude....but i cant ignore the way you be looking at me.....i mean c mon yeidi you know what i mean....maybe I'm just bugging and what your feeling is nothing....but i cant ignore how what i feel when i see you coming....that's why i know this is something special....i mean I've been looking over our resume and i smile when I read the credentials....i know you feel what I'm saying so I must say your lying swift...because if you know declaring whats inside makes you feel better then why are you denying it?....

(I) I'm not really sure the things you feel for me ... But I rather you let this go and let things be the way they used to be.. Now I'm not trying to be mean... But my ways, habits, and my quick decision making and with you being a pisces and all I'm not really sure that I may meet all of your emotional needs ... ill be here through the ups and downs even the in between. I'm your friend forever that's why your hands are thin enough to inter lock and fit perfectly with mine.. when the struggles and pain starts knocking on your door ill be here, but we don't hold hands our knowledge just expands that's how deep we speak, so your right about our conversations no man will ever amount to the way you speak to me .. but then again weren't you the same one that taught me about destiny? Now I know God has a plan for me Someone out there at the right time at the right place ill meet that's meant for me... if things were different ... No scratch that what I mean to say if I was a different then this would so be so much easier .. But in my mind there's no better way then to act this way .. There's no denying it your a great man .. How I wish I would have met you in a better time frame ... I heard passion is love but my passion is ....education, work, and my secrets that I long for because there kept deep inside of me and never leave my lips .. Man how I wish you could take a journey through my mind .. You'd Get lost in the route.. Navigation fucked up. You'd be going in circles then you would finally understand how I feel inside... realize I can't divide my intellectual decisions from those on my emotional feelings.. So it results to no reciprocation no mutual exchange, no alternating motion... I don't want you to take back the things you say just keep them deep in your heart. I'm still your friend and with that I provide you with so much devotion. I let you read my poetry, tell you my fears and the things I know that I'm supposed to be.... But with all that said at the end of this we remains friends.... Keep this companionship safe.. Where no commotion stirs.

(Sb) OK honestly...i could careless about horoscopes and astrology....or some website telling you how we would probably be....the only thing I need is loyalty....and without that no relationship can continue to be....and yeah i did tell you about destiny ...and having a destination....but i forgot to say this...there's a way to predict your future...and all you got to do is create it.....you say you wish you were different because it would make this less complicated.......but I would never want you to change because i feel that your are amazing.....though...you claim you wish our paths crossed in a better time frame....but weren't you the one who taught me such a thing isn't true? because we choose to make time for the things we really want to do....we both want education and work many hours.....and that's no reason to run away like a coward....i don't need to travel in your mind with a GPS....because to be real its not your mouth...its your eyes that speak the best...so either buy some sun glasses or a get a blind seeing eye dog....because as long as i see them i m not buying this lame song....you say you want to stay safe.....and avoid any commotion to stir...well safety is boring like staying home when its pouring so long during the day that you end up snoring....you got to take a risk and i feel you have a good enough reason....especially when risks help us gain our greatest achievements.....and just so you know...ill make this clear and far from a blur...our companionship is like James bond....i want it shaken not stirred....lets get dizzy and lost in the moment...only to find ourselves smiling in the direction we're going...you can easily divide your mind from your emotions...multiply your affection....add more attention and subtract all this inner tension but you rather give your heart a safe life...but i don't know why your afraid when you just admitted I'm a great guy...so with that being said lets this thought float in your head....do you really want to stay friends and let someone else have me instead?

(I) I've always been optimistic the way you make me sound the ones who read this may believe I'm a walking pessimistic.. I'm sorry dear if the things I say may hurt a bit ... But you and I don't meet the requirements .... I want to keep us safe .. Locked in my box where I only hold the key.. Danger only leads to a heartbreak .. Or a broken string from a violin... it will never play the same .. Or maybe I'm just afraid shit will go up in flames ... Don't get me wrong I love everything about you from the way you speak to the way you walk... Lord only knows especially the way you talk... I'm not sure if what I'm afraid of is my future or my past but when it comes to me there's no compare and contrast there are only facts... I might state my opinions but that's what I'm best at.... Is winning a debate .. I guess that's why when we speak it feels like we're meant to be... and seem to Confuse it with fate... You state my eyes speak ? I tell you all that's on my mind maybe not everything but that's what disentangles me from others and makes me unique ... I might not spill all that I feel ... Its not bc your not special but my mind mechanizes in a way that it only allows me to state the things that I can only reveal.. Can't you see when you look in your past you never go back to the part in the island where it marks the X and I don't wanna be that... Disregard this conversation let's put it all behind us.. I don't wanna rupture the bond we have because to meet another like you is impossible 1 out of a million is your statistics ... Ian lee Hwang is undefined let's keep things clear our friendship is pure like a virgin walking down the isle wearing her white dress I don't wanna wear beige let's leave the "relationship" untouched.. I don't wanna make love... Making love to your mind.. Exchanging poetry.. Lunch at tijuanas .. I just wanna do all the above.

(Sb) lol... I'm not making you sound like your pessimistic...but you should apply at kfc because your acting mighty chicken......your apologies are not needed because we both know the truth...at the end of the day the one that's going to be hurt is you....to be real i hope we do stay friends at best....cuz i promise a few years from know I'm going to be your biggest regret...and please don't tell me about keeping us safe.....or you being afraid....because the only thing dangerous is this decision you insist you want to make......and i wont get you wrong......I'm trying get you right...seeing a smile on your beautiful face fills my appetite.....but your making it harder with all your excuses....and i know its cuz your skeptical cuz your nowhere near stupid....but maybe you are...cuz how can you tell me I'm 1 in a million like Aaliyah....yet you feel we'll end up in flames and we don't meet your requirements either......are you telling me you rather be with some average guy....but when it comes to someone that's impossible to find again you feel you don't have to try? fuck the bullshit i think your just really confused...first you said you have no feelings...then you claim its cuz your scared...whats next? you hate love? and have no heart to share? we don't need to make love....and our lips don't need to touch....just being able ...to talk to you for hours gives me a rush....looking in your eyes helps me see myself better....and knowing we think alike makes me know we should be together....bc even though opposites attract they don't last long....and we would be like the roots of an old tree...that's strong.....but none of that matters...your not even hearing it...all ill do is make you happy so why are your fearing this? do you need me to ignore you? say i don't adore you? play games with your mind ....is that the only way my broke heart will be able afford you? just give me a straight answer to explain your logic....everybody wants their heart to be safe so whats the real reason behind your nonsense?

(I) Look I don't mean to be gross but who are you to tell me what my regrets will be... Do you own a crystal ball that predicts the future and are speaking upon the things you see ? No ? I didn't think so. Just give me a moment to correct you dear. I don't hate love. perhaps I just don't want to be tied down and have to check in with you. my spirit is as free as a dove. I never said I didn't have a heart to share In fact its so big I've given it out so much the strikes its taken have been hard to bare. I don't need you to ignore me, tell me you don't adore me I want none of the above that was offered to me. Shit ! Ian ! why can't you just let shit be the way we used to them being. As for me being confused let me just make one thing clear.. I never been fond of monogamy call me a sinner but I'm in love with three. Many don't know of them their names are goals, dreams, and my future boo success. We came to an understanding as long as I love them equally they will care for me and love me unconditionally. We even practice safe sex god only knows they will never fuck me over so when you ask about the "nonsense" you think I speak and where my mind has been ? I've been devoted to my relationships. Quite focused in fact. Now If we don't need to make love, kiss, or even touch what exactly are you inquiring? Because I give you long hours of conversations you know the ones we spend six hours in a restaurant while employees are trading shifts. My friendship isn't enough? What more are you requiring? And if your heart is broke then honey right now I can't afford to clean up her spill. And if one day I don't agree with the choice I've made on my walk up to this thing called life... don't worry about me I'm gonna keep on living. swallow the pain and keep moving uphill.

(Sb) you know what.....your right....i don't have a crystal ball....but its clear that you think what I have to offer is small....I apologize for trying to stop the way i pretend like it doesn't bother me that we're nothing more than friends.....i meant no harm by this conversation.....and on the real it feels good i finally got to say this....excuse my attitude it wasn't that i was mad at you....i just know we both know that i m not bad for you.....but thank you, there's no more confusion...you ain't feeling me and i shouldn't over analyze any of your movements.....I'll ignore my instinct and any gut feeling....because my company is what you find appealing....nothing more or less.....i ain't gotta stress...i wont get anything for my efforts so there's no need to invest.....I've been trying to explain all the possible benefits....and you truly feel attempting this ain't intelligent...don't worry....I'm not going to chase you....your still my home girl and to our cause ill be faithful....we'll continue talking longer than professors.....because you can compare anything to what we verbally share....and I know it wont be better...i just hope you don't look at me different...and you still think the same thoughts when you see my image....because if things are awkward that's something i ain't mean to do...being quiet was just killing me because I'm really feeling you...

(I)
I have no mixed feelings its 2010 baby we don't take things serious ! My only wish is for you to see me as your friend nothing more and nothing less. All I ask for is for many more of our Weird conversations, and long evenings at tijuanas without getting paid by the hour. Thanks for your clarification on the subj but the truth is when you put a title on a affiliation which I may add involves many crazy emotions it just leads to a lot of more complications. Its Like a customer calling their carrier claiming a store rep fucked up so here you are on a call hearing their bullshit and nonsense headache starting up... reading over the notes figuring it out where the hell did things go wrong? and I didn't wanna be that I know us uniting as one ain't a bad idea but I've accepted the fact that I always seem to miss the love boat. Hey I Heard you found a new route so I sit here praying that it takes you to your destination.. And when you get famous Ill still be one call away I still wanna be the first to hear your poetry. I was here before the money and will be still be here after. Don't forget what you had before you get there cause as quick as you got it you could lose it the same way. This is not a rejection... Bridge, tunnel or as cold as I may come across to be... Forgive me dear I just heard the end was near that's why its important that we always remain close this is just my way of showing you that I do love you. its just my affection. So I raise a toast to many more mind boggling conversations and poetry. And gees How could I ever see your image different ? Can't you see your my canvas and I'm the artist together we just made our first master piece. Truth is my mind just wont let my heart give in.