Wednesday, July 29, 2009


& to my surprise I have fallen in love .


deep


deep


deep


deep


deep



in love



& its you .



its you .




you've come out from no where

the way I'm feeling I could be a multi billionaire

theres nobody else, baby I make you understand

love me, have me, be one with me

& its not a request its a simple command .

I dont wanna let this go ..

I wanna work hard, overtime

no breaks baby, cause you fill me up

lets just let this grow ..

I bless the day you came to me ..

we started from nothing & now making history

You dont know what you mean to me

lets free from thoughts and let our hearts just simply be.



<3



Monday, July 27, 2009


I remember those dark lost days when nothing seemed familiar when your reflection was a complete stranger ..
Your nights felt long .. your mind wasnt at ease ..
you pushed any potential away cause you knew you were nothing but danger.
It was like waking up one day and forgetting who you were ..
like that little girl you once knew completely went astray ..
far far away where it was to late to actually grasp a hold of her
& to your dismay you felt alone .. in a room full of friends .
& anything that anyone said it all just offends.
You couldnt even find a way to express how it felt
You got so caught up in what you thought was love
that that warm little heart, you let it just melt .
& now you felt no emotion ..
You didnt know wether you were happy, sad, or mad
just BLANK
& everything around you was just a destructive commotion.
It was like being locked in a room and only you could find the key
but physically you were there but your mind was overseas.
& then you hear the door & the light seeps through ..
after all the thinking and dwelling and questions repeated over and over again
you feel that bomb tick, & now he wants you but your out of his league
you didnt recognize you cause your no longer a kid
so you bid him farewell & thank him for the gift.
cause he made you experience one hot love and a cold heartbreak.

.. words ...



Feet on the ground Head in the clouds.

I've always looked up at the stars and just wondered could they be holes on heavens floor? or .. recarnation? have you ever thought about if your gonna live better in your next life or be the man at the stop light asking for money? Have you ever stopped and thought about what are the things that bring joy to your life? or about the people who have walked in to your life made you hurt but have taught you lessons? but we fuck up more then priest that hear confessions.. Or why we always seem to easily break up a friendship .. and make up over and over again with a man we THINK we love . Have you ever wondered what it is that drives you wild? Or if there really is more then one god like there were in ancient greek .. what were the things that changed us? broke us ? & why did we allow them to .. have you ever wondered what brings day and night? or what the man next door thinks of you and the way you carry yourself? have you ever thought about what makes people hate .. what brings rage to there mind .. when coming out the womb there minds were so innocent .. Have you ever sat in a room full of people and felt alone? what made you fall in love with your first love .. & if it meant the world to you .. why did you let it go? what ever happened to " i have a dream " when so much racism still exist .. have you ever wondered how are churches are so rich but there so much poverty? have you ever thought about why teachers keep so many secrets from us? Why were drugs ever made? How is it possible to clone a human, but the cure for aids and cancer has not yet been found? is it because they get rich off of treatments? or why do we kill our own flesh and blood .. or why enemies come and go .. but friends stay and betray? have you ever thought about what makes a person take their own life and treat it unworthy?

I wonder ..
have you ever believe that trees and plants and grass and flowers all communicate, and we think we are the only living things living here? or how were people really created? why is birth happier then death when we are probably living in hell but we just call it earth? or if your next door neighboors ever killed, raped, hurt, or are full of depression when they wave your way? What ever makes a person a person? A man a great man .. a woman a strong woman .. and a child just a child? life is full of questions, lessons, betrayal, honor, dishonor, love, hate, war, peace, but its all in your mind .. live it wisely .



because this is a rich mans world .. we live & die .. & the wheels on the bus go round & round .

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


Your heart no longer beats for me ,
At least we know now that we was never meant to be.
Time wasted, all your mixed emotions toying with my affection
After all I showed you was nothing but devotion.
It's like my mind wanted to speak ..
Grab my heart squeeze it out
" MAN UP LITTLE BITCH YOUR NOT THAT WEAK!"
But my heart saluted you, respected you,
made you head captain of the boat, made promises too.
You put me last when I put you first,
yet you grabbed my hand and made me follow you,
cause you knew I desired nothing more then a love so true.
But you were green, you wanted me yet tried to work for free
when I worked 9 to 5 everyday you were out on a shopping spree..
Your mind buying hoes that could never compare to me.
So I decided to leave .. walk out head high, because it was YOU who caused this to flee.
As time passed are eyes met again, mine were still and black but yours ?
They cried to me, pleaded to me, said stories that were supposed to be told when we were " we"
You made something so easy have so many complications. So now my heart beats slow
while yours is on a monitor trying to survive.. so when it reaches that flat line ...
Remember it was YOU who caused yourself all this devastation,
Im sorry you lost something so good ..
cause I was better then clothes, money, and the air you breathe,
and thats how you died on a September so sweet .
RIP .

Thursday, July 16, 2009




Today I ran into an old friend , we spoke about dreams , goals , fears . In him I saw something i havent seen in a while



My body asked for him , my lips quivered for the innocent touch of his lips , my mind ran wild as unclean thoughts kept unfolding , see this is how i imagined it ....


I grab you close , gaze into your eyes kiss you softly as you firmly place your hands on my delicate neck we kiss passionately , adrenaline rushing , hands moving , as you cup my breast in the palms of your hands I pour my soul unto you hold you tighter kiss you harder . toungue moving slowly wanting you to feel me , slowly you grab me unbutton my shirt removing my bra you take em into your mouth sucking them slowly , your hands move downward as the zipper of my pants come down jeans hit the floor , thong following them . As we lay , you on top you explore my forbidden temple with the tip of your toungue as your aquainted with my apple , you lick it moving up and down I moan with pleasure , mind running wild wanting you to feel the inner walls of my inner soul , I grab tighter to the sheets , legs shaking , body feeling numb as i climax , open i lay as you insert your manhood inside of me , holding on tight to your body I give myself to you , as I hold on , breathing gets harder . You move in slowly then harder then slow again . My hearts racing faster , our bodies interwine sweat dripping down , as you slow down , i start shaking our bodies giving in . you lay on top gaze into my eyes , as you pour your heart to me . a night of passion and discovery is what we experienced , soon it starts fading i hear a distant ringing , bell rings time to wake up , as a good dream unfolded itself . hungry i wait strongly believing dreams soon become reality
Everyday before my eyes change takes place I see eyes grow empty , hearts fill with ice , I know things confuse you but I dont wanna go I dont wanna see you cry, but you see im a living dream a soul thats free for I fly away to seek a brighter day ... forever I expand my horizons of knowledge and my analytical minds draw me towards science. Though not easily agitated, patient and persevering, it is not easy to change my mind or opinion . Its hard for others to adapt to new foundations as I easily make myself fit like a puzzle piece, brightest one on the board.. I dont only mesh with the crowd but I must say i stand out the way the star of david did on the jews .. for where ever I float away to tomorrow positivity is always a must . Now I know things havent been easy to the life style im living and for this i dont blame you when i hear you tripping but as long as your willing to fly away with me no reason to wonder why.. I want you to clear your mind of worries ... ( pause )
blank page ..
let me be the writer , the artist , therapist , physician all of the above . hand me your trust , your heart, surrender to me .. i ask for one wish please don't overcrowd me with this thing called emotion lets keep this logical and intelluctual for a session of mind fucking is what im into .. all I lust for is your eyes i dive in to seek the depths within... you have me but I must be shared . for i believe "There are so many miracles in this world for eyes to behold, seems a terrible waste for two pairs to do nothing but gaze into each others depths " .. now im not here to lose you .. but the time has come for me to show you and for this i must now depart I must leave you now .. I will still touch you on those breezy summer days , and caress your body when your warm in your bed .. mentally im there for what we shared is imprinted not only in your mind but in your heart .. for i love you everyday .. but i must start a new life just now .. I hear many determine there tomorrow by how they are today but how can one say that when today might just be there last day ? ... set me free for a social butterfly I'am ... Ill be back one day and i will say i am not what i was .. but much more than i am .

I stand before the people I call friends and family looking at them in a sense I much don’t understand anymore. We were taught in school that of the teachings that were allowed “ accepted “ in this setup our system has made up teaching us to cooperate for disaster will soon seek us . We are taught to not be fake to not tell a lie but what is fake when our government is only full of secrecy, betrayals, and fake war cries . Our people the ones we call our fellow leaders are full of oppression, violence, and betrayal . Innocence being stripped away from those of a group of people they call brotherhood . I stand here .. dumb founded as I question myself repeatedly . What is brotherhood? What is unity? What is friendship? How can one believe in one another when we were raised to believe in something that is the total opposite of what has been really going on behind closed doors for centuries. I once heard say America is strong .. but what’s so strong about a country who takes away the lives people who were trained to believe they were born to fulfill a mission . A mission in which they know nothing of .. I pray deeply. I pray to the god I was raised to believe , confused . Our bible the book in which many live by has so many pages that were left unpublished .. We go by the words of a book that was man written . Who’s to say this man wasn’t behind all this as well. I lose faith not on god .. but on our selves the human race. We ask ourselves why is the world so cruel so unclean so vulgar. See money talks . They say there’s no cure for aids that of cancer , yet how much money do you think our country makes from treatments, facilities. Yet we lay there dying slowly , but surely .

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I want the kind of love thats kind of like

can't eat, cant sleep
reach for the stars
over the fence
world series kind of thing ....

it'll know where to find me ill be patiently waiting .

Pardom me for the inconvenience .



I swear I didnt mean to break you heart, the joy of riding passenger in my mercedez finished right after the start ...

sadly I saw your heart grow fond of me , forgive me I just did'nt see You and I in ''WE''.

Its not you because affection and emotions were given ... but I'd like to introduce you to yeidi [ hellooo ] she's intellectually driven.

Loneliness fills your surroundings again, Im sorry to hear that but I'd prefer that then I inflict you with strain.

Believe me when I say that was never my intention, but I guess your heart was doing the leading, because your mind was screaming, but you kept insisting .. and did'nt pay attention.

You should have known cause after we was kissing and hugging I'd get home and forward your call, forgive me dear I just did'nt see you being the one I surrender to and give him my all.

But open your mind .. see things on the bright side.. maybe GOD just could'nt stand it .. US being an item and all, because he allowed you to walk out free handed.

You probably see me and find me cold hearted .. but you haven't met billy ... ask him ... HONEY .. I left you whole hearted.

It could have been bad timing or the way you whined and did all that nagging. I gotta admit your so cute though if it wasnt for your ways I'd probably go look for you in two years or so .

Just wait and see you'll remember me .. when you two are reading your vows, and she tells you what a great man you've become to be .. it's because I made your heart bleed, and your a man now because of me .

<3


I have a man in my life .


The one I cry to when I'm feeling down even if he has a bad day Always smiles and puts the frown away ,

gives me and gives me till I pry him to his last dollar too , and keeps his promises and says you know your my baby you little spoiled brat you .

the man who got me my Benz at sixteen and because of him Ive become so lo - ving .

Heart bigger then the universe ..taught me how to love deeply hate rarely and before jumping to something with this man I must converse first . lol

Wiped my tears when the world felt like it was on top of my shoulders .. Whispered please yeidi never let your heart go from warm to colder .

Held his hand and followed him leading .. Because I knew he would'nt walk out and leave my heart bleeding .

He loves me more then a sterile father cares for his adopted child .. And not having him in my life ..man I'd be lost have a hundred tattoos probably be in major credit card debt .. this cruel cold world would have been pretty wild too.

He never lays his hands on me .. He says that's all it takes to make a women flee .. And if a man ever does that he'd definentely leave the ultimate crime scene .

CSI would be shocked of what would be left in sight . Cause he'd kill him bare hands and with all of his might .

He Checks on me before he starts his day makes sure I'm tucked in bed .. Says he can't function if worry starts popping up in his head .

He'd never let me down .. Put me first as if I wore a crown .

I mean mommy is his queen .. But for his first daughter my daddys a feen .



And I just portrayed what I want my husband lover and friend to be .

Because daddy You were just the greatest role model for me <333>

i LOVE you daddy , my PAPA CHU !
Let me dive deep into your mind get lost in the journey,
Our souls interwining, hearts encompassing ...

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

as time passes compassion fails ..

We fear the clock ticking .
I want to be in love ..
fall deep into a hole full of dreams
have someone to fall onto ..
kiss you .. hold you .. secure you .
keep you safe in my box locked away
they say love comes at the right time ..
what time ?
& will it find me or should I go on a journey
searching for it ?


"You're driving me crazy with your terrible lies,
Your republican banter,
& your FAKE war cries"

intense encounters .

<3

I dont know maybe it was in the way you looked at me with those black mysterious eyes piercing into mines as if we crossed paths in our past lives ...

Or in the way you kissed me .. your toungue playing with mines as if they were long lost friends... freeing from error making amends. .. the way you caressed my hair as I slowly climbed up for a ride .. as our bodies dripped wet.. as they slowly began to collide

the way you examined my body ... closely... analyzing every beauty mark, scar, and perfection that completely memorized those eyes .. & I swear I thought I heard you pray to god ..thanking him for this first place prize .

I gave myself to you .. made YOU the owner .. handed you the title .. you became those bodily organs that are essential to life, as the brain, heart, liver, lungs, and stomach .. so vital .


I never thought you'd be by my side when the hardships came knocking at the door, but surely you were my guide ... listened when I cried told me to put all my problems aside .. I imagine us floating... far far away from all this rucus... concentrate on a particular pursuit, it'd be so devoting.


Though time will tell.. I pray... deeply, because of your venemous infection I never want to bid you farewell and remember our story as a fairy tale told cheaply.


so to more happy days, long evenings spent chatting, and late night encounters of love making ! CHEERS !

Friday, July 10, 2009

Second Chance


Now I had a second chance you know at the thing called love. Now I'm not sure if it was love or a mere fact of infactuation, but mann was I in it to win, but due to YOUR luck & how things fuck up my picture frame wont contain us.



I had the best summer one year one of those you never seem to forget. I remember the way we kissed, the way your hands slowly guided its way to find mine. It was one of those hot summers that make your hairs stand up just thinking about all the moments, laughs, and tears that were shared.. I find it kind of odd though the way things just seem to fall into place, but I had felt alive again .. You know that feeling that feels like your dreaming and you never want to wake up because then your afraid that time just might change us.. & i knew I had to hold on to you, because I imagined life with you and how delicious it would just be, & leaving you was one of the hardest things to deal with because everytime I saw you I knew we had an expiration date, but even though you were a thousand miles away I swear you couldnt have felt any closer. My heart was a home and I gladly invited you....and it didn't have to be "sunny" for me to "delight" you. All those nights we shared with beautiful conversations slowly turned into nights of missing you... the old you. As days passed I noticed the change in you .. Don't you remember? Aren't you familiar with that man I once knew, because there was no more I love yous ..The visits lessend.. criticism got worst .. fights just seem to grow . I was losing faith in you, but still I imagined you to be this GREAT man in my head & man did I love him ..and love blinds your eyes....so u can't even see.....so whatever you hear touch taste or breathe your mind makes you believe....how ironic? I thought seeing was believing.....and you what? I believe it, and no matter all the fights all the let downs I still held on .. & as our lives slowly unraveled another year to come. There was no more growth I mean we were growing up but our lives seemed so different now .. we didnt connect no more.. had nothing to talk about until one night you poured your heart out to me, as I asked simple questions but the person acts stupid...and it aint hard to give simple answers....but when you lie you tend the chatter....on and on to change the subject...flipping the topic until you say fuck it but your so blinded in a game of seeing....that you hold their hand and follow them leading...& I know it was my fault to have let it ride for so long because advice was given but apologies and smiles easily fixed it. my eyes were open but I wasnt watching shyt.. I didn't acknowledge it even when things were obvious. My heart slowly turned to ice.. see now you got to work over time to make up for what you lost but of course very few are willing for that cause so you quit.....hoping to find better benefits and still get to come back without putting in a two weeks notice but I must say life is quite the character.

"so if someones sweet like tangerines....it don't mean that's how they act and speak" -- Ian Lee Hwang

Wife FOR life

The friends who grew up with you deserve a special respect- the ones who stuck by you shoulder to shoulder, in a time when nothing was certain, all life lay ahead, and every road led home

Piece Of Cake - Piece Of Pie
i love you - i love you too



It went from drinking pop to drinking beer, blowing bubbles to blowing it down, painting in art class to getting tattoos, sneaking out till we had no curphew, Riding the school bus to mercedez and tiburon, awards to diplomas, occupations to degrees, allowance to jobs, familys to divorce, crying to dad to crying for boys, laughters to tears to laughters again. Eating totones every saturday tijuanas every other day. Gold to pearls, sneakers to heels, baby fat to curves, mosquito bites to tits, Best of friends; virginities getting taken, hearts getting broken, so called friends walking in and out ..It literally is through sickness and in health I watched you mature from being this little chubby girl to this beautiful strong young lady. Its an eye for an eye babyy. Best Friends till the day we die i love u so much 021504

"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe unto him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up." -- The Bible: Ecclesiastes 4:9-10.

Little girl LOST in love.













Now im not sure what hurt the most ..
losing you or growing up because of you ..



The plant that grew started as a seed turning into the rarest kind of it's own. It's journey to growing was as wild as a blooming flower feeling as alive as any healthy being. For the air it breathed was like no other. Had a feeling of power, life full of beauty surrounded it. Beat was as heavy as a gallopinghorse. Through rain or shine those roots would not give in giving up was never an option .. As Time passed the drought got heavy. Second thoughts were sinking in thoughts of re - plotting was definently the answer. Questions turned weak for the sun didn't shine as bright, the rain grew stronger, light started dimming. Blurry visions , slowly escalating into a death deep within, faith no longer was in any condition to pull from down under . No longer counting the blessings for my roots grew tired from being torn you see the stems got heavy leaves matured quickly , to live I needed you , but now I see your seeds never ceized to grow old . Germination began into something quite different a flower I became .





Memories slowly fade away .. I guess our brain was just designed that way ..