
Monday, February 15, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
A poem written for me .
A talented friend of mine by the name of Anthony wrote this poem for me, and its so beautiful I'm glad to share it with you. Enjoy and get lost in the words ...
Diana Dialogues
Let me be real with you
And try to let my honesty garnish
The inner most part of my thoughts
That you wander in.
Diana my hard to get princess
You make me defenseless
But I can’t just resist your perfect design
That resides in my senseless mind.
You circle my thoughts continuously
Making it literally impossible to stop you
From knocking me off of the top of my pedestal
Whenever you enter the room
I feel a connection that glistens and shines
More brighter than the rays of the sunlight sometimes.
It’s no wonder why I feel so blind
But I guess some guys just don’t need punch lines
To draw accurate points in discussions
Like every time I’m heatedly cussing
And then you tell me it’s nothing and to calm down
It’s funny thinking back only because I’m calm now
If imperfections were food you’d die an anorexic child
That’s why I continue trying my hardest
Just to try to make you smile
So that maybe then you’ll have to put your guard down
So what if there was more to this feeling
Than the mist that hovers over the clouds
Where our connection is found
At least if I keep you around I have a reason to smile
Cause life is a harsh bitch
That only brings happiness on her own grounds
That’s the main reason I’m making it known now
Just incase the sky was to fall down and we all drowned
And then died inside meteor showers of blistering rain
I want these to be the very last words
That drift through your brain
And last in your mind
Beyond through the passing of time
Everlasting is all I’m asking
Something that matters
As much from before as it does after
Before the disasters that are bound to happen
Cause sometimes it’s just the laughing
That keeps you latched in
I think It’s obvious to you that your attached when
You try to relax and unwind in a state of mind
And your thoughts race and collide
Only to leave you in a place that’s hardly a pace farther behind
I see why building lasting relationships takes time
That’s why my intention is never to waste mine
Or unrightfully take yours
I just want to coincide and try to break walls
At this point It’s not even about being able to fall
But bringing myself to see the beauty at all
Which I admit was confusing at first
But makes perfect sense when it hurts
There’s nothing worse than when we forget the value
Love is practically worth when it actually works
Like seeing you attractive is a blasphemous curse
If only you could imagine the passion
That you inspire from passing
Your majesty I view you more as a masterpiece
Just if you ever see me falling I’m asking you to just catch me
Instead of just running and becoming detached from me
Sometimes I feel like all of your attributes are attacking me
Steadily one at a time as we gradually just shrivel die
From venomous lies told through the most innocent eyes
It's only then we realized what we were searching to find
Was secretly hidden behind closed curtains and blinds
That intentionally block the sunshine that tries to get in
So it's impossible to see past it even though we try to pretend
That being compatible isn’t the only pasture to happiness
And the only track that’ll lead to something that’s passionate
As if we don’t know toxic love enough to know that’s hazardous
But still we continue chasing after it
It’s the way that life eventually passes and goes
Keeping our hearts concealed but still with our eyes closed
Supposed if I made you feel like the words in this poem
Could you ever see my reality I inhabit alone.
To read more of his writings This is his blog http://notsosoftspoken.blogspot.com/ :
Best Friend

BEST FRIENDS
02-15- 04 - till death .
piece of cake - piece of pie wife !
piece of cake - piece of pie wife !
Well now that the clock reads 3am yesterday on February 11th my best friend Amanda turned 20 !
I did mention her on an older blog on here but we look much younger in those pictures ..I previously spoke about watching her go through her parents divorce I remember six years ago we would always take trips every other weekend to miami, and st pete with her parents to go jet skiing. We would go to dinner every weekend trade off on whose parents were going to pay. I remember everysingle year on our birthdays we would go out to eat on hers we would always go to red lobster cause its her favorite restaurant. I don't remember a time when we stayed a part with not talking for more than twenty four hours. I remember all the sneaking out we did, all the partying we experienced the night we got so drunk we fell on the floor laughing, and you threw up all over your car being driven to a club that we didn't even know we attended till we got phone calls the next day asking if we were okay cause we were supposably passed out on a table lol. I remember losing our virginities the way we talked about our first loves like we were gonna marry those fuckers. I remember watching you go through your parents divorce, and the night you called my house at 3 in the morning to pick you up cause they were fighting, I remember when you were sick and fainted in my house, and being so afraid and my brother picking you up, I remember when my sister didnt like you bc my dad loved you and would bring you your fav coco puffs, and mangos so when you came over lol I remember when we went to halloween horror nights I called you selfish and you started crying and my dad hit me. I remember driving home at fifteen at seven in the morning and seeing the sunrise. Next day telling my parents we got home at two lol . I remember the trips we took together. The day we got our first cars at sixteen. I remember all the drunk nights I had to literally shower you and dress you and lay you to sleep and I remember the days you had to do it to me. I remember slapping you super hard bc you were really drunk and couldnt get it together ( sorry ) lol I remember when I used to get drunk you used to be mean and on new yrs this yr i was throwing up and you started being mean and then said " no im sorry " and i was apologizing for throwing up in the rain lmaooo and you said no its my fault im so sorry wife lmaooo I remember all the nights we partied on school nights and were super beat up the next day at school and id be the main one to not go the next day. I remember all the skipping school we did in high school just to go to subways and the go to sleep.I remember all the tears we shared together, the laughters, the crazy phazes we went through. Our adventure in fordham and randomly getting our matching tattoos together. I remember that sad day about you and the way I fell on the floor crying because what you felt i felt it too. I remember crying so hard that it hurt to speak. I remember the night we stayed up at night listening to beyonce on repeat and crying talking about all the things we were afraid of. I remember when we found out about your first having a girl all along, a couple days later your mom tells you that shes pregnant, we went shopping that day and you didnt say a word and you cried for days. I remember when it was my turn to feel your pain, and i found out about my first getting a girl pregnant who he claimed was his "cousin". I remember driving to your house and calling you and before i even told you i was outside you came out opened the door and hugged me so hard and we cried and fell to the floor. I remember our second loves and the way we were so wrapped up in something that wasnt love at all but a mere fantasy played out in our heads trying to make all the things right that didnt work out with our first. I remember the first and only fight we ever got into in NY because you wanted to roam an unfamiliar neighborhood at 3am and i was so afraid and the way I got to your uncles packed my bags at 430am called a cab, and you were so mad you helped me take my bags out and when I was about to leave you started crying so hard and snatched the phone away telling me " please dont leave you cant do this to me " lol and i left anyways when I got to my cousins you called and said " are you there okay? ill see you in the morning i love you" lol I remember all the wild times we had riding in cars with boys we didnt know at fourteen. The fake ID we used that was made out of cardboard lmaooo . I remember going shopping every weekend and we had no jobs it was all daddy pay this daddy pay that. Clubbing friday, saturday, and sunday, and we would never wear the same outfits twice after we wore em give em to friends and when we saw pictures ask " whatever happened to that outfit?" I remember all the people that walked in and out of our lives and we still remained close. I remember it all like a vivid picture no HD. Today as I sat in Red Lobster celebrating another birthday with you I got flashbacks on our lives dazed out looking out the window thats when you asked me "what are you thinking about?" This time it wasnt your mom and dad and us this time it was your dad and his new wife and it made me so sad. It made me wanna cry. Our lives have changed so much in the past years and we still have remained the same and if your reading this i know your emotional( made me tear when i was writing it ) but toughen up mother fucker ! haha i want to see NO sad eyes ! so this weekend we will raise a toast to many more years of our friendship ! i love you i love you i love you !
PIECE OF OF CAKE !
Our friendship isn't a BIG thing its a billion little things .
Our friendship isn't a BIG thing its a billion little things .
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Years of growth
I look at old people and its like aliens. I mean its rare now a days. Divorce lawyers are sky rocketing making great money in our age. When I see them I watch them carefully in awe. I imagine what they've been through all the love all the pain, all the sun all the rain, and imagine myself. Will I grow with a significant other? If im lucky enough I'd love them so deeply that when their soul is removed from their physical body I would die of loneliness. My presence would still be here without him, but inside I'm empty because the day he left mine had flown away with his. Flying freely together our hearts encompassing. Cheers to my grandparents for making it strong . <3 TRUE LOVE .
Situations make things change

well .... I HAVE .
I met a young girl once she was the most outgoing free spirited individual I had ever came across. When I saw her I knew I would never forget her she was different. Afraid of nothing she looked at the world with innocent eyes, woke up each day with no worries. Independent young lady so young only fourteen very much spoiled rotten, she felt she had to report to no one she was her own BOSS. Her friends were her best accessory she was never seen out without them. she partied so hard that any club she attended she was spotted. Dare devil she was, the first to dance in a room full of people who stood around to afraid to she would call them "uptight" but after her everyone followed. She had an addiction for love she loved so deeply she knew she was an addict her high was so good she never wanted to come down from it . It was a dangerous drug she started acting out in ways she'd never imagine, a rebel she turned. It was a mothers love, and a fathers concern and she wasn't worried. In her eyes she had nothing to lose thats the way she lived shopping, partying, in love, young, and wild. Her love knew all her flaws, her fears, her goals, dreams, secrets, and the things that made her so weak it hurt, and as most stories go "THEY" didn't live happily ever after. I watched her broken heart break into shattered little pieces watched her pick them up after the tears were all used up. An artist she was molded the pieces back together with steel it was so cold.
Years passed by ..
I saw her again, but this time she was different still beautiful indeed. Much older, much wiser her frame had changed, hair was worn different. The way she walked, talked even the way she smelled was distinct. Emotionally detached she was this time. Independent she still remained, and her style was just classy. Bottling her feelings inside afraid to let anyone in. Her friends remained close but the circle was smaller two best friends that she loved, and only they knew her when she was naked removing the heavy layers of her fears, weaknesses, goals, and dreams. Her heart was no longer worn on her sleeves in fact I didn't even see it. Her best accessory now was her blackberry. I went clubbing and I watched her from a distance she didn't dance freely anymore. Her friends hadn't changed they were still the same the center of attention cause they danced so beautifully. She stood there holding her drink in her hand and just swayed with the music. Now she was part of that crowd the ones considered uptight to afraid to let loose. Her inner child was gone probably lost and confused. I heard her screams from afar all the way by the bar across the room. She was always alone, but never felt lonely the company of another was missed but to her it was never really much needed. Her mind was buried in school and work leaving no time to think or worry about insignificant things that she felt wouldn't take her to what she wanted to be. Long evenings on her day off were still spent shopping it was her only escape. Awed by the change I started to follow her so many times I wanted to talk to her. Ask her what happened to the girl I once knew reach out to her and tell her she was still so young with a lot left to do. As I watched her with her friends chatting away I saw those little girl eyes once again. I knew they were there, but when she left them came back her dark mysterious eyes, and yet again I couldn't recognize her.
I knew her so well and than I lost her, and yet I always followed and watched her closely behind all of her steps. I met HER in the mirror when a long time had passed and I saw her again I mean really looked at her as I did the first time years ago I met me a complete stranger to my own body.
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