This is a collaboration with a talented young man by the name of Ian Lee Hwang.
My inspiration, motivation, and most importantly great friend.
(Sb) girl you been on my mind....pictures of your face with smiles always seem to rewind...your my favorite re run i play you all the time...and when we chill at night all you do is shine....an eclipse couldn't block your brightness...your something like a queen...in my phone i got you under highness...we've know each other for a few years and that's partially why I'm scared...because a friendship like ours is truly something rare...and maybe this is just a flare and will go away soon..but soon ended a while i ago so that's why I am telling this to you....i hope what I'm saying isn't making you feel weird....because losing our companionship is some thing i really fear......
(I) I don't understand.. I thought we were friends.. I mean yeah its been years but in my eyes that's all that appears.. No feelings involved.. Our conversations are deep... And yes I must admit I love The way we speak... But then its all gone by the time the morning shines and the alarm starts to beep. Well that's just until the next time we meet... I carry you in my heart.. Of course you think I'm a queen my parents named me Diana so that makes me a princess lol just kidding well maybe but not really. And soon ? What is soon theirs no time span in soon so how are you sure it ended a while ago.. Don't be scared I heard it was good when things are declared.. Instead of holding them inside and leaving you in despair.. Well idk that's just what I heard or maybe that's me and that's why I know....
(Sb) we are friends and that's the reason we're talking......because I think our hands would look better if they held each other while we were walking......and your right our conversations are gone once the morning removes the stars....but it would take 100 convos with other guys just to match one of ours.....you said you carry me in your heart? see that confuses me...but it seems like you want a man you wont be choosing me....that's part of the reason i been holding back...plus the fact you said you hide your feelings just adds to that.....and i don't know if that's true....because i am expressing myself and i don't feel too good....and your not even being rude....but i cant ignore the way you be looking at me.....i mean c mon yeidi you know what i mean....maybe I'm just bugging and what your feeling is nothing....but i cant ignore how what i feel when i see you coming....that's why i know this is something special....i mean I've been looking over our resume and i smile when I read the credentials....i know you feel what I'm saying so I must say your lying swift...because if you know declaring whats inside makes you feel better then why are you denying it?....
(I) I'm not really sure the things you feel for me ... But I rather you let this go and let things be the way they used to be.. Now I'm not trying to be mean... But my ways, habits, and my quick decision making and with you being a pisces and all I'm not really sure that I may meet all of your emotional needs ... ill be here through the ups and downs even the in between. I'm your friend forever that's why your hands are thin enough to inter lock and fit perfectly with mine.. when the struggles and pain starts knocking on your door ill be here, but we don't hold hands our knowledge just expands that's how deep we speak, so your right about our conversations no man will ever amount to the way you speak to me .. but then again weren't you the same one that taught me about destiny? Now I know God has a plan for me Someone out there at the right time at the right place ill meet that's meant for me... if things were different ... No scratch that what I mean to say if I was a different then this would so be so much easier .. But in my mind there's no better way then to act this way .. There's no denying it your a great man .. How I wish I would have met you in a better time frame ... I heard passion is love but my passion is ....education, work, and my secrets that I long for because there kept deep inside of me and never leave my lips .. Man how I wish you could take a journey through my mind .. You'd Get lost in the route.. Navigation fucked up. You'd be going in circles then you would finally understand how I feel inside... realize I can't divide my intellectual decisions from those on my emotional feelings.. So it results to no reciprocation no mutual exchange, no alternating motion... I don't want you to take back the things you say just keep them deep in your heart. I'm still your friend and with that I provide you with so much devotion. I let you read my poetry, tell you my fears and the things I know that I'm supposed to be.... But with all that said at the end of this we remains friends.... Keep this companionship safe.. Where no commotion stirs.
(Sb) OK honestly...i could careless about horoscopes and astrology....or some website telling you how we would probably be....the only thing I need is loyalty....and without that no relationship can continue to be....and yeah i did tell you about destiny ...and having a destination....but i forgot to say this...there's a way to predict your future...and all you got to do is create it.....you say you wish you were different because it would make this less complicated.......but I would never want you to change because i feel that your are amazing.....though...you claim you wish our paths crossed in a better time frame....but weren't you the one who taught me such a thing isn't true? because we choose to make time for the things we really want to do....we both want education and work many hours.....and that's no reason to run away like a coward....i don't need to travel in your mind with a GPS....because to be real its not your mouth...its your eyes that speak the best...so either buy some sun glasses or a get a blind seeing eye dog....because as long as i see them i m not buying this lame song....you say you want to stay safe.....and avoid any commotion to stir...well safety is boring like staying home when its pouring so long during the day that you end up snoring....you got to take a risk and i feel you have a good enough reason....especially when risks help us gain our greatest achievements.....and just so you know...ill make this clear and far from a blur...our companionship is like James bond....i want it shaken not stirred....lets get dizzy and lost in the moment...only to find ourselves smiling in the direction we're going...you can easily divide your mind from your emotions...multiply your affection....add more attention and subtract all this inner tension but you rather give your heart a safe life...but i don't know why your afraid when you just admitted I'm a great guy...so with that being said lets this thought float in your head....do you really want to stay friends and let someone else have me instead?
(I) I've always been optimistic the way you make me sound the ones who read this may believe I'm a walking pessimistic.. I'm sorry dear if the things I say may hurt a bit ... But you and I don't meet the requirements .... I want to keep us safe .. Locked in my box where I only hold the key.. Danger only leads to a heartbreak .. Or a broken string from a violin... it will never play the same .. Or maybe I'm just afraid shit will go up in flames ... Don't get me wrong I love everything about you from the way you speak to the way you walk... Lord only knows especially the way you talk... I'm not sure if what I'm afraid of is my future or my past but when it comes to me there's no compare and contrast there are only facts... I might state my opinions but that's what I'm best at.... Is winning a debate .. I guess that's why when we speak it feels like we're meant to be... and seem to Confuse it with fate... You state my eyes speak ? I tell you all that's on my mind maybe not everything but that's what disentangles me from others and makes me unique ... I might not spill all that I feel ... Its not bc your not special but my mind mechanizes in a way that it only allows me to state the things that I can only reveal.. Can't you see when you look in your past you never go back to the part in the island where it marks the X and I don't wanna be that... Disregard this conversation let's put it all behind us.. I don't wanna rupture the bond we have because to meet another like you is impossible 1 out of a million is your statistics ... Ian lee Hwang is undefined let's keep things clear our friendship is pure like a virgin walking down the isle wearing her white dress I don't wanna wear beige let's leave the "relationship" untouched.. I don't wanna make love... Making love to your mind.. Exchanging poetry.. Lunch at tijuanas .. I just wanna do all the above.
(Sb) lol... I'm not making you sound like your pessimistic...but you should apply at kfc because your acting mighty chicken......your apologies are not needed because we both know the truth...at the end of the day the one that's going to be hurt is you....to be real i hope we do stay friends at best....cuz i promise a few years from know I'm going to be your biggest regret...and please don't tell me about keeping us safe.....or you being afraid....because the only thing dangerous is this decision you insist you want to make......and i wont get you wrong......I'm trying get you right...seeing a smile on your beautiful face fills my appetite.....but your making it harder with all your excuses....and i know its cuz your skeptical cuz your nowhere near stupid....but maybe you are...cuz how can you tell me I'm 1 in a million like Aaliyah....yet you feel we'll end up in flames and we don't meet your requirements either......are you telling me you rather be with some average guy....but when it comes to someone that's impossible to find again you feel you don't have to try? fuck the bullshit i think your just really confused...first you said you have no feelings...then you claim its cuz your scared...whats next? you hate love? and have no heart to share? we don't need to make love....and our lips don't need to touch....just being able ...to talk to you for hours gives me a rush....looking in your eyes helps me see myself better....and knowing we think alike makes me know we should be together....bc even though opposites attract they don't last long....and we would be like the roots of an old tree...that's strong.....but none of that matters...your not even hearing it...all ill do is make you happy so why are your fearing this? do you need me to ignore you? say i don't adore you? play games with your mind ....is that the only way my broke heart will be able afford you? just give me a straight answer to explain your logic....everybody wants their heart to be safe so whats the real reason behind your nonsense?
(I) Look I don't mean to be gross but who are you to tell me what my regrets will be... Do you own a crystal ball that predicts the future and are speaking upon the things you see ? No ? I didn't think so. Just give me a moment to correct you dear. I don't hate love. perhaps I just don't want to be tied down and have to check in with you. my spirit is as free as a dove. I never said I didn't have a heart to share In fact its so big I've given it out so much the strikes its taken have been hard to bare. I don't need you to ignore me, tell me you don't adore me I want none of the above that was offered to me. Shit ! Ian ! why can't you just let shit be the way we used to them being. As for me being confused let me just make one thing clear.. I never been fond of monogamy call me a sinner but I'm in love with three. Many don't know of them their names are goals, dreams, and my future boo success. We came to an understanding as long as I love them equally they will care for me and love me unconditionally. We even practice safe sex god only knows they will never fuck me over so when you ask about the "nonsense" you think I speak and where my mind has been ? I've been devoted to my relationships. Quite focused in fact. Now If we don't need to make love, kiss, or even touch what exactly are you inquiring? Because I give you long hours of conversations you know the ones we spend six hours in a restaurant while employees are trading shifts. My friendship isn't enough? What more are you requiring? And if your heart is broke then honey right now I can't afford to clean up her spill. And if one day I don't agree with the choice I've made on my walk up to this thing called life... don't worry about me I'm gonna keep on living. swallow the pain and keep moving uphill.
(Sb) you know what.....your right....i don't have a crystal ball....but its clear that you think what I have to offer is small....I apologize for trying to stop the way i pretend like it doesn't bother me that we're nothing more than friends.....i meant no harm by this conversation.....and on the real it feels good i finally got to say this....excuse my attitude it wasn't that i was mad at you....i just know we both know that i m not bad for you.....but thank you, there's no more confusion...you ain't feeling me and i shouldn't over analyze any of your movements.....I'll ignore my instinct and any gut feeling....because my company is what you find appealing....nothing more or less.....i ain't gotta stress...i wont get anything for my efforts so there's no need to invest.....I've been trying to explain all the possible benefits....and you truly feel attempting this ain't intelligent...don't worry....I'm not going to chase you....your still my home girl and to our cause ill be faithful....we'll continue talking longer than professors.....because you can compare anything to what we verbally share....and I know it wont be better...i just hope you don't look at me different...and you still think the same thoughts when you see my image....because if things are awkward that's something i ain't mean to do...being quiet was just killing me because I'm really feeling you...
(I) I have no mixed feelings its 2010 baby we don't take things serious ! My only wish is for you to see me as your friend nothing more and nothing less. All I ask for is for many more of our Weird conversations, and long evenings at tijuanas without getting paid by the hour. Thanks for your clarification on the subj but the truth is when you put a title on a affiliation which I may add involves many crazy emotions it just leads to a lot of more complications. Its Like a customer calling their carrier claiming a store rep fucked up so here you are on a call hearing their bullshit and nonsense headache starting up... reading over the notes figuring it out where the hell did things go wrong? and I didn't wanna be that I know us uniting as one ain't a bad idea but I've accepted the fact that I always seem to miss the love boat. Hey I Heard you found a new route so I sit here praying that it takes you to your destination.. And when you get famous Ill still be one call away I still wanna be the first to hear your poetry. I was here before the money and will be still be here after. Don't forget what you had before you get there cause as quick as you got it you could lose it the same way. This is not a rejection... Bridge, tunnel or as cold as I may come across to be... Forgive me dear I just heard the end was near that's why its important that we always remain close this is just my way of showing you that I do love you. its just my affection. So I raise a toast to many more mind boggling conversations and poetry. And gees How could I ever see your image different ? Can't you see your my canvas and I'm the artist together we just made our first master piece. Truth is my mind just wont let my heart give in.
